I have left so many things in so many people and/or so many places that, it is fucking normal to feel empty and try to fill it food. I gave the most precious thing I have for a lot of people, and I fall in love and left my heart and mind in places I have been and people I met on the road. It is hard to get back together and I have no desire to take things back.
Also it is so easy to feel alone in a bunch of people who are called friends but you don't have the same vibe with. Most of the time I love being alone. Especially when I put my headphones on and live in another world with my thoughts. Sometimes I hate it. It is not nice to get in a cold bed. I love the feeling when the summer breeze hit my face as much as I love someone who protects me with her hug me getting the wind from back when I am sitting on the edge of a cliff. Undoubtedly, loneliness is the worst bitch ever.
It is weird to be alone in a bus. There are a lot of people around you who you don't know anything about. Your life just crossed through the bus and you have the same faith for sometime. I usually get the feeling of people who stares on me , mostly my tattoos like they have never seen a tattoo. Why they can't be cool.
In every look I have in this fucking country I feel more alone. I haven't feel home since I was born. I knew I wasn't belong here. In the matter of fact I didn't even want to be belong here. I was forced to live here. It was the challenge I was failed for many times and many years. I keep trying and keep failing. There were a few places I feel home. Prague, Vilnius and Berlin are top 3 places. I am looking forward to go and explore more. Due to my passport and money / time balance can't have the world trip I am dying for. Also I guess I don't have the courage. I could be less careless and do it. I should.