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I always knew there is another world out there. It wasn't just Istanbul, It wasn't just Turkish people. There were another language called English but it was a mystery. I was young. Very young. Maybe 9 or 10. I have noticed this. It wasn't a big thing before but I have realized more and more. I have started learning English by video games. I was stopping the game looking at the dictionary, writing it down. It was the first book I was interest in. Most kids read normal book I was reading dictionary. I remember it was a small red dictionary. Everyone had the same thing. By the end of the year all my books looked new and dictionary was destroyed already. And other kids' books was vice versa. Since then I knew that I wasn't a "normal" kid. I was unusual.


When we go to holidays. Everyone loved to be on a vacation including me. But, I loved the way we are going more. I remember a holiday to Gökçeada. We went most of the way by ferries. I don't exactly remember the route but I remember I was in 2 different ferries. First one was really long. I remember my parents and sister get grumpy and I was having the best time. Almost everyone in this ferry was tired already. I was 10 and I had energy. Now I am 33 and I wouldn't get tired at all. I even had a friend, he was at his 20s. They were going for honeymoon. The guy’s wife didn't like me because He spent most of the ride with me.


By the time I have enjoyed all travels more and more. I didn't really care about the destination. I cared about the journey, being with people, meeting with people. It was so amazing feeling that touching someone's life. I hope it was always a good touch from me. By the years passengers has changed. Parents, friends, new friends, other friends. But lately I ended up travelling alone. And never had a chance to have a holiday with a girl I love. This is the thing I miss the most lately.


I am Gemini. I have different personalities. Different versions of Tuna. It is not schizophrenia. It is how I feel inside. Ok, it sounds schizophrenia. Maybe it is. I don't know. The thing I want to tell is I have found other versions of Tuna's, in my travels. I have changed. Mostly travelling has changed me. I have learnt a lot on my travels. But I am scared of myself sometimes. That's another story.


I don't know what was the main thing that I got this itch for travelling. I had it somewhere. I don't remember choosing travelling. Travelling was the one thing it pulled me to itself. I remember the time I was wondering where those birds are going, and why? And why they don't fly all the time. They could go anywhere they want. They didn't need visa, a job, a house, a friend, a flight ticket, an accommodation. I was so jealous. Still I am. It was weird. I know people are following birds. They go on vacation where it is hot. The holiday means going a resort in a hot place and sleeping under the sun all they long. And the holiday is only for summer time. I still don't get this kind of people. Going to one 5 star hotel and they claim they have seen Turkey or any other country. My dear friend you have seen nothing and you know absolutely nothing about Turkey or wherever. You know the specific hotel. Because you go to the airport in your country get on a plane get out of the plane get on a minivan go to the hotel and spend a week there by eating and sleeping and you comeback to airport and fly back to your country. You have seen nothing. Sad but true. I have been to this kind of holidays too. I have been t I have been tourist stage of my travels. I am at traveler stage now and looking for the ultimate one. I want to quit everything and go for backpacking. That’s seem still a big dream because of many reasons or many excuses. I don't really believe in reasons. All of the mare excuses. The truth is I am afraid of coming back.


Fear is a different thing. Sometimes it gives you the power of doing things and sometimes it blocks you. Same fear could do different effects on different people too. I know it is all created in our minds. I like to observe myself and others and how we act on certain things. I do not limit myself but observe with a third eye. I also observe how, how often I change and what makes me change. I observe how I grow up as a person. No lies I didn't get a proper education neither from school neither from parents. My family wasn't poor in general. We had some economic problems but the problem with my family that they were poor when I need something. It was always like this. I was always zero economically and psychologically. Now I am more than that and I remember most of the things which made me change or made me grown or more mature. I remember how I have changed, shaped my mind.


I like to do tourist stuff. I like to gout and hangout with locals. I like to walk in this narrow streets where there is no tourist at all. I like to take photos of people. Lately people are not happy of being taken of photos. I still like it. I don't like to go to big fancy hotels. I really enjoy staying in hostels. There are times that some people are too noisy. But mostly I am drunk and I don't really care. I don't like to take a shower in front of other guys but it forces me to go out of my comfort zone and I feel I leveled up. I have been raised as a conservative person. I had rules of our own customs. Not really in a religious way. But still conservative. Dancing or cooking for a guy is strictly forbidden. I still can't dance but I always loved cooking. Travel made me get over a lot of issues and opened my mind in a good way. I started to take control of myself and my thoughts and change whenever it is wrong. I have learnt to admit that I am wrong. I have learnt to help people I don't know. I have learnt to trust people. I am still shy when it comes to meet people. But I do communicate more and more. I have learnt a lot but not enough. Things started to affect my everyday life not just my travels. I am so happy when I see young travelers in my city. I have started to help more and more each day. I wouldn't care about them.


I have been thought to have a good career. I realized very late that it doesn't really matter which career you have but how many memories you have. In that manner I loved the opening of the movie called "trainspotting". They have figured it out really early, but not me. "I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got TRAVELLING?" In the end I won't remember my office days, how many hours I have spent by working. My best stories will be told over my travels. Ok I have good stories in the offices too but still can't beat my travel stories. I was waiting for Friday in the office and finding myself in my travels. Keeping the routine of waking up, going to work and coming back home and repeating this 5 times in a week is lethal. The real richness is to have something that money can't buy. And I got richer every time I travel.


I didn't have a good childhood. I have lots of bargains I carry every day. But when I travel, that moment I am on the road it is just me. No more past, no more yesterdays, no more mistakes I did nor things I haven't done. It is just me and the present. I have to travel to be able to find where I actually fit.


Too cliche but you only live once, right?